encouraging courage

My boys just went on their first walk in the

neighborhood.

(almost a mile from home)

alone.

Okay.. yes, this is a different time,

yes, media makes the world

so much scarier.

Yes.. we did so many things our kids don't do.

We are too scared for them.

The past month the boys have begun walking the dog around our small block.

They each take a turn. 

Each building up their own confidence 

about what feels safe.

About feeling like a part of the community.

Today they went together

(not always a safe option: brothers are not always nice to each other)

and I gave them $5.00.

They are on their very first adventure to a candy/soda/convenience

store.

They get to buy what they want.

They get to experience freedom,

and decision making,

and real life learning.

Yeah, we did this all the time as kids.

Today, though, is their day.

May it be successful.

May they be excited 

and may they come home safe and 

wiser for their experience.

I am excited for them.

I will also be happy when they come barreling in the house,

out of breath and full of their stories.

Life is a beautiful adventure. 

Hold on tight, take a deep breath

and love.

time...

Three or four times a year I get this deep aching sense of time passing.

As I see my kids grow and inch, listen to their wise words,

notice them needing me less.

I want to grab them and wrap them up and duct tape and savour the moment.

Most often I do not do this. I wallow for a moment 

and then move on.

I say promises to myself about how I will spend more quality time,

how we will be more purposeful.

But more often we just move about our day. 

I am not saying I do not cherish them.

The boys.

I just sometimes forget to stay put.

To absorb the hug given

or the plea for my time.

I forget to be present.

Parenting is a 

wild and

awesome

ride.

Live Big

I have not forgotten this blog.

I have not forgotten how awesome it is to have

children.

To be a mom.

Even when it seems insane and

completely out of control,

I would not change any of it.

I have kids who are funny.

They are intense.

They are creative

and whiny

and argumentative,

and huggy 

and gift me with words I do not deserve.

My kids are growing up so quickly.

Breathing and watching and being, in the moment

seems impossible sometimes.

But we all want it.

We seek it.

Rohan now 11, a magical year.. a year that brinks the magic of 

a young child to the beginnings of a man.

5th grade has been good. It has been a year of yes's,

of finding friends who get us, of feeling frustrated and misunderstood, but loved and safe.

Rohan continues to blow my mind with his creativity 

and test me with his swinging emotions. 

All part of the beautiful package.

He will begin working on a play The Seagull by Chekov next month,

The play goes on at NC Stage The last in June.

Max is 8 and strong and determined. He works hard in school, annoys the heck out of brother, continues to like to play soccer and challenge himself with other venues. He still cooks, and like to vacuum, and to emulate his brother while despising him all at the same time. 

This is a year of finding his own way. Of making some small breaks from his attachment to his brother and find his own friends and spaces to figure out who he is. 

Max is a lover. He is also a mini tornado or volcano. 

As we moved now into this new year... we find much to be celebrating.

WE are blessed. 

We have many people we adore and who adore us. That is all we can ask for.

Carpe Diem.

Hoping to make it back here more often. Like once a week. I miss reading blogs and

I miss sharing my own thoughts and ideas....

Wowzeers 2013 Here we Come!

It feels like a thousand years since I have posted here.

Really.

A lot has been happening on Annie street.

People are getting bigger, taller I mean, and more mature.

I find myself wondering how these little humans grew so fast

and how I relate to them as they are now.

Rohan is approaching 11. 

This is a magical age for humans.

That limbo between boy and teenager.

An age where you are beginning to seek out

your adult self.

I am excited for this year for him. 

It will be a year of finishing elementary school 

and entering the middle grade years.

Such a pivotal time and somewhat

emotional.

Okay, very emotional.

PUBERTY!

Rohan is an incredibly creative,

lively,

compassionate,

sensitive,

combative,

testing,

silly

boy

Max is 8.

He is precocious,

loud, 

funny, loving,

agreeable, argumentative,

passionate, 

determined and

entirely his own person,

goof ball,

boy.

We are all moving into a place of belonging.

Finding what makes us happy.

Together as a group,

and/or as individuals.

This has been

hard,

enlightening,

challenging,

stressful,

encouraging,

delightful,

and 

new.

As I am spending more and more time in my studio,

the boys are finding more ways to combat one

another.

But...

as we set up guidelines, structure,

understanding and,

expectations,

We become more grateful for the moments that do work.

That each of us is able to explore what makes us whole.

To celebrate the paths we are choosing

and support each other. (as much as possible)

This is like a coming of age.

I feel like I am able to finally explore some things that make me

feel excited and challenge me,

that are completely separate from

my connection to being a MOM or Wife.

I am finding solitary me again.

And I hope everyone will benefit.

Not just financially,

but benefit from having a Mom, 

a woman roll model,

delighting in herself and her accomplishments.

My boys deserve that.

So Here's to Making a Go of IT.

Whatever that IT is for you.

Freeman Clay Works is moving to the forefront.

My kids will always have me... but now that will have to share.

This week I begin making it official. 

Paperwork, here I come.

Wild

It has been a wild summer.

Lots of good.

Camping,

 Pottery (sales), 

rivers,

pools,

New York City,

Friends,

working,

more friends,

more rivers, and pools and thunderstorms.

The boys have been like thunderstorms.

Beautiful but hard.

Unpredictable.

Ferocious.

Loving.

Calming.

Explosive.

Battling Brothers.

I have been looking inward a lot.

Reassessing.

Questioning.

Reading.

 (lots of parenting books)

And gathering ever bit of patience

from every corner of the globe.

I have not been taking care of me.

That is the key.

Now to do something about it.

Right now.

4 days and 3 hours

Summer is here.

Did you get the memo?

4 days and 3 hours more.

Of school.

Of my days potting, 

well, partially anyway.

I am taking deep breaths and 

creating

joy.

Seeing the joy that will be.

Imagining scenarios where I can 

do pottery

go swimming

hiking

adventuring

brother refereeing 

celebrating our time,

our time together

while they are still

celebrating time with me.

and still doing pottery, for me,

while they are home.

My mission.

I will achieve it.

I am certain.

It may not look pretty in the beginning

but it will end up beautiful.

Here we go.

Seven, Ten, and two Forty-three year olds.

We will make magic this summer.

With the help of our community,

of hard work,

and hard play.

Deep Breath.

and Summer.

Wow... I have been gone a long time.

It is darn warm out there if you didn't notice.

I am making it warmer by firing a bisque.

It should be up to temperature in another 30 minutes or so.

So, while I was gone....

I fractured my right hand (by hitting a chair when I got too angry),

and no I would never have hit my child, I was just at my limit and had to hit something. 

In my defense, I did choose a cushy armchair, it was just not cushy enough.

So while I was moaning about not being able to run in my one and only marathon,

I decided to do something anyway.

I decided to make hand-built functional pottery.

I haven't stopped since and it has been almost 8 weeks.

It seems that wonderful things really can come out of rotten situations.

It is hard to see it when you are in it. For sure.

I am cast free, throwing and hand building and trying, for the first time in my 25 years of living with clay, to make a go at it.

I mean to make a it a way to supplement my families income.

I am not delusional. I understand how hard this is and how many hours it takes and most of all that I might actually have to learn the business part of all this mess.

But I am excited. Like want to be in the studio all the time excited.

I am firing almost once a week and am working on a "line" that I feel proud of 

and that I hope will enrich people's eating experiences.

I have continued being a mom, which tends to happen when you have two kids who are 7 and 10, and have struggled with rebellious, confused, angry children. 

Not every minute, of course, but enough for me to anticipate it happening every day.

I am officially reading Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility.

The premise is to hold them accountable for their actions with consequences while maintaining empathy about the situation they are in. 

The empathy part is quite challenging. :(

This could all be applied to other people I know and love and live with too ;).

Well, life is about learning and it is about being the best person we can be for those we love.

So here I go, trying again, like I will, over and over.

I have been cherishing my friends as of late. Well, I always do, but sometimes you

just realize

they are incredible and they make

the days

so much more

incredible

and 

meaningful.

So thank you 

friends.

So I am potting, parenting and partying 

(not really partying just sounded good)

Oh and I have a new pottery blog... like really new, as in only one post new

freemanclayworks.blogspot.com/

Come visit and see my new pots and leave comments on how they can make you happier.

Happy almost summer. Only 23 more days of school. Yikes.