Sunday, August 8, 2010

becoming the change

After one of my most emotionally challenging 
parenting days (to date),
(I did keep my cool except for a couple of raised voice moments)
there is a calm and a rebirth in the air.
This has been an emotionally charged summer surrounded by:
new beginnings 

I have been charging ahead regardless
,sometimes by a thread,
trying to figure out how to make it through and
 with dignity for me and the boys.

Embracing these new people, my boys, with
an open mind and a patient heart has been hard.
Very hard.
They are becoming their own and finding their
own way.... without me.

I suppose these are the forks in the parenting road that prepare us for:
the eventual and the inevitable. 

I had no idea, well, I had an idea but did not know
it would be facing me so soon!

The boys have been battling more then ever.
The slightest thing can set them off and hands are flung
directly at one another with  screaming voices whirling all about!
I am not a fan.
I get frustrated, spout my threats of 
special privileges taken away and
just feel like hiding in a quiet room with lavender, music and
a good cup of tea.

Will we turn a corner after school starts and they
have a common bond of 7:55-2:30?
(and a possible bus ride home?)

I will say that after a day that, almost, Nothing went
right, today was like the clearing after a hurricane with bright
blue skies, a lovely breeze and a sense that everything

The boys have played all day together with a certain 
understanding that they have each other
and the consequence of that not being the case 

I am thinking about this last week of
diving boards 
and mornings of legos
and wondering how this
GIGANTIC transition next week
(Max going off to school for the first time ever)
will bring us new joy
and celebration
and peace.

Right now? I am savoring this day. 

Even when I am drowning in uncertainty and
I try to see it as an opportunity for learning.
What magnificent insight will be gained?
(a beer can help this process, but only one)

They are my little mirrors. 
Joy and pain, 
ugly and

The journey of a family.


  1. Wonderful! As a parent I am amazed at how calm I was with other people's kids when they were screaming, hitting etc but with my own it's a lot harder to find a calm voice.:)

  2. Maybe i read this somewhere, or maybe the words came to me somehow...? but i often have this little mantra of sorts running through my brain, something like: it's all a series of letting go's. we do it over and over and it is always hard. anyways, your post makes me think of it again. good luck through all your transitions!


Your words inspire me to do and be more. So do your thoughts but I just can't read them yet! ;)