Friday, July 1, 2011

the unbearable heaviness of moments

there are moments.

moments that creep up on you, engulf you, almost suffocate you.

unexplainable. pulsatingly real moments of clarity.

at least it feels like clarity, or a message from the future.

I am having one of those clear, aching, verge of  and spilling over tears moments. 

My moment involves my boys... and letting go. 

I think we have these moments because the thought of them not being in our lives, in our houses, everyday seems, well, quite unbearable.

I am having a preparing moment. Remembering to take time for the hugs and kisses that are always wanting to come my way (when many times I push them away with this and that I am doing of no particular importance)

Those kisses and hugs will be fewer and less and less and fewer and farther away, and I will long for these days of "I want you", "I need you".

So, we have these moments of unbearable sadness to prepare us for the inevitable. 
If you love someone,
set them free.

Damn, I love my boys.

And I will, eventually, set them free.

 But luckily, they are 6 and 9 and they actually still want to hang out with me, 


  1. You are such a good mom Andrea, and I love how much you love your boys. :)

  2. Andrea: I am 47 days away from leaving Wesley at UNC School of the Arts so that she can become the film maker she wants to be. Mother Nature is truly a miracle. I can feel the separation coming, but I am watching her just since High School graduation a few weeks ago, becoming an amazing young woman and she is ready to go, and I am ready to let her. I can tell I will be ok, I feel it, and I feel she will be ok too. We have given her wings and it is time for her to soar. This year, I have felt the change and it feels right. It's when you can't accept the change and the letting go that it hurts not only you but your child, my mom couldn't let go, still can't and it is a struggle. I don't want my daughter to have to pull away from me like I had to do with my mom. I hold her in the palm of my hand, not with a grip but with an open palm towards the sky so that she can leave and she can come back. You will be fine!!! I had the same feelings as you when Wesley was small, no one told me that nature prepares you and it's all good!!! I will cry, but they will be tears of joy for the great time she is going to have and for the amazing things she will get to do :)


Your words inspire me to do and be more. So do your thoughts but I just can't read them yet! ;)