Sunday, August 29, 2010

a ceremony for gigi

Max got a candle from Gigi's house yesterday after her funeral.
He carried it around, holding it and waiting.
Today he brought it to me.
"Mom, lets have a pray for Gigi"

We talked about different kinds of ways people pray.
He remembered that some people write prayers and then
burn them.

We found a beautiful candlestick.
We wrote a wish and prayer for Gigi.
We went together onto the back patio.
Lit the candle
and watched our prayers go up to heaven.

"It's like heaven mail", Rohan declared.

We sat together quietly with our thoughts.

"Can we do this again tomorrow?", wondered Max aloud.

"Yes", I said

(I sure do miss Gigi but know she is at peace and peace
is a most wonderful place to be.)

We will be sending much more heaven mail in the future.

Friday, August 27, 2010

a sign of unspeakable love

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness. But of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love. ~C.S. Lewis~

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

a lot can happen in ten days

This has been a week (or so) of
firsts and lasts.

Taking off where we left off:

School has begun.
Max is elated with the whole new arrangement
of backpacks, lunchboxes,and friends.
Friends are his favorite part of school.
He might say everything, when asked, but it keeps coming
back to friends.
Max is making friends faster then I had imagined and
has several girls puckering up their lips at him. 
(which I found hilarious and made me say "oh, my" )

Rohan has a fabulous teacher who plays a guitar and has them singing songs at the beginning and end of the day.
"She is a perfect fit for me"
Rohan's quote about his new teacher.

So while they were off on their own adventures, I thought I would do a home-makeover on their room.
I bought a used bunkbed 
(a twin over a double for $75 including mattresses!)
and proceeded to get rid of things, paint and rearrange.
This was a whirlwind of three days getting everything out, given away, set up, assembled and perfected.
They love their new room. A lot.

Yesterday I went with Max on his first Kindergarten field trip.
(one of the features of our school is experiential learning, so we do a lot of field trips)
We went to the Nature Center with a focus being, the butterfly exhibit.
We also saw, black bears, otters, donkeys, goats, bob cats and coyote. (we ran out of time to see it all)

It was fun to see Max interact with his friends and his class.
I felt so happy for him as his confidence has soared through
the roof.

Max and his buddy Aman

This Saturday Rohan is auditioning for a new
acting program.
It is called the Youth Acting Academy.
It will be a series of
four sequential classes leading up to a final production.
The classes will include voice and movement.
Only 10 kids will make it into the Academy this
first year.
It will be challenging and exciting for Rohan if he makes it.

The last news I have to share is about lasts.

Anne Gibson,grandmother to Jay (and me) and great grandmother to
Rohan and Max, is finding her way to a peaceful place.

She has struggled with various aliments for several years but this 
last year really challenged her.
Her two daughters have spent every hour with her for the last six months, caring for her in every way.

I will tell you what she taught me:

~to be passionate about cooking and eating
~to be a patient parent
~to cherish my family 
~to celebrate my stubborn side
~to continue to work harder to be a better wife
~to see the beauty in me
~laugh at the stuff that could make you mad
~to seek the Wonder of life
~honor, respect and look forward to family traditions
~it is worth leaving room for her desert
~to be a stronger woman

I will miss her more then I know right now. 
It is hard to process life in a moment.
I know that when Halloween comes and we can't go trick or treat 
at her house, I will shed tears,
I know that when we want to go by after school and share our
adventures with her, my heart will ache.
Christmas just won't be the same, without our
big meals, sharing of gifts and laughter, singing carols 
and the story of Christ's birth read aloud.
Her laughter and joy seeing the boys grow makes me feel proud.

I know she is ready though. 
She misses her honey of almost
69 years( Anniversary is on Monday). 
She is ready for this next journey of the spirit. We all want her to be at peace even as we clutch her hand not knowing,
 "Is this going to be the last time?" 
It makes you hug a little closer, 
love deeper and
cherish how we are meant to cherish.
I do not like lasts.
They are hard and tear filled and stomach aching.

Gigi with her boys

She will live on forever and ever in our hearts.

(She is at Solace right now, a hospice hospital, where
she is quietly and slowly making her new journey, surrounded by family.)

Monday, August 16, 2010

say it isn't so, but it might be fun

Seriously, Max is starting Kindergarten tomorrow!

Rohan is heading downstairs for the first time to enter
 3rd grade.
All I can say is WOW!

My emotions are everywhere and nowhere all at once.

I feel the pang of sadness as I realize my kids are in
the system: public school, and understand just how fast 
those K-12 years go by.
I feel like part of me is packing a trunk to take them
to college tomorrow.

I know. 
You think I am crazy.

Well, I am really.

What am I excited about?

Lunch dates with my hubby.

Runs in the morning.

Going to the Y.

Cleaning out toys that they will never miss ;o) ( i hope)


Hanging out with a cool 3 month old 2 days a week.

Gardening at home and the community garden.


I will say that there is a block that just befuddles me and
I plan to work that out this year on my days by myself and
my afternoons with fellow clay lovers (my boys)

I am excited and scared about me. The time I will spend with me.

It has been too long, as I have allowed it to be, and I am planning
on getting to know myself again.

The suspense of school beginning has heightened everyones emotions.
It will be good to be in a routine,
celebrating everyone's new journey
with lots of family meetings and
snuggle times to
share them.

time flies when you are in love

Monday, August 9, 2010

word of the day (might just be my new monday thing)

tran·si·tion  (trn-zshn, -ssh-)
1. Passage from one form, state, style, or place to another.
a. Passage from one subject to another in discourse.
b. A word, phrase, sentence, or series of sentences connecting one part of a discourse to another.
3. Music
a. A modulation, especially a brief one.
b. A passage connecting two themes or sections.
4. Genetics A point mutation in which a pyrimidine is replaced by another pyrimidine, or a purine is replaced by another purine.
5. Sports The process of changing from defense to offense or offense to defense, as in basketball or hockey.
6. A period during childbirth that precedes the expulsive phase of labor, characterized by strong uterine contractions and nearly complete cervical dilation.
intr.v. tran·si·tionedtran·si·tion·ingtran·si·tions
1. To make a transition.
2. Sports To change from defense to offense or offense to defense.

This has been the summer of transition.
I begin my new job, adventure tomorrow. Caring for a
10 week old little boy. We will be hanging out two days a week
while my boys are in school.

Next weeks transition.

We said goodbye today to our friend Maddy who is also starting school
this year. Georgia has Pre-K-5!
She has been coming to our house one week out of the month for
the last three years.
It is not really goodbye as she will be here during break times
but it just seems that life is
throwing me all kinds of CHANGE!

1. Passage from one form, state, style, or place to another.

This is what it feels like.
Not sure what the other place is going to feel like yet
but my stomach can tell you
what I am anticipating.

Me and Change try to understand each other but 
I generally feel fear in the excitement of it all.

I know this passage is going to bring much JOY
and I just need to sit back and embrace the ride.


p.s. I love definitions and all the things ONE word can represent!

Sunday, August 8, 2010

becoming the change

After one of my most emotionally challenging 
parenting days (to date),
(I did keep my cool except for a couple of raised voice moments)
there is a calm and a rebirth in the air.
This has been an emotionally charged summer surrounded by:
new beginnings 

I have been charging ahead regardless
,sometimes by a thread,
trying to figure out how to make it through and
 with dignity for me and the boys.

Embracing these new people, my boys, with
an open mind and a patient heart has been hard.
Very hard.
They are becoming their own and finding their
own way.... without me.

I suppose these are the forks in the parenting road that prepare us for:
the eventual and the inevitable. 

I had no idea, well, I had an idea but did not know
it would be facing me so soon!

The boys have been battling more then ever.
The slightest thing can set them off and hands are flung
directly at one another with  screaming voices whirling all about!
I am not a fan.
I get frustrated, spout my threats of 
special privileges taken away and
just feel like hiding in a quiet room with lavender, music and
a good cup of tea.

Will we turn a corner after school starts and they
have a common bond of 7:55-2:30?
(and a possible bus ride home?)

I will say that after a day that, almost, Nothing went
right, today was like the clearing after a hurricane with bright
blue skies, a lovely breeze and a sense that everything

The boys have played all day together with a certain 
understanding that they have each other
and the consequence of that not being the case 

I am thinking about this last week of
diving boards 
and mornings of legos
and wondering how this
GIGANTIC transition next week
(Max going off to school for the first time ever)
will bring us new joy
and celebration
and peace.

Right now? I am savoring this day. 

Even when I am drowning in uncertainty and
I try to see it as an opportunity for learning.
What magnificent insight will be gained?
(a beer can help this process, but only one)

They are my little mirrors. 
Joy and pain, 
ugly and

The journey of a family.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

by the way

By the way, 
You may have noticed that the boys hair is getting

Max decided this year that he wanted
to donate

Rohan is following suit.

I think they look as
handsome as ever
as long as
they brush their
they can grow it to the ground.

I was reading a blog about 
donating hair
and thought I would share my story.

Even when my boys drive me crazy,
(which is a lot and everyday)
they make prouder then ever to be their Mom.

I am so glad they chose me.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

magic in the sand and waves

I have been gone for a while.
Not just from the blog.

I was not one of those kids who grew up going to the beach.
I was lucky in many other ways... spending my summers in our 
Nations Capitol or in the mountains of NC and some
of the time traveling... like to England and, the best,
living in Nepal for a year. (life changing and altogether a 
different story).

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am still a kid when
I go to the beach. I want to throw all my stuff down
the minute I get there and go bounding off into the ocean.

It makes me giddy and elated to see the waves and to feel the sand
become my new pair of shoes for the week.

Topsail Island, NC is where we spent our week of family, fun,
waves, walks, cooking, eating, games playing and laughing.
(thank you so much Granddad and Grandma for this most memorable gift)

I was in a dream and it was real.

The proof is in the pictures.

Magic pure magic. 

The beach will always make me feel young and for 
that reason I will always only vacation there and never live there
for fear that the magic will be washed away.
Besides, I am a mountain girl at heart and always will be.